So, my mother just found my first report that was transcribed from either preschool or kindergarden. As you can tell, the level of intellectual capacity is just brilliant. Don’t take my word for it, read it for yourself. The following is the unedited report in its entirety, right down to the periods, spelling and grammar. As you can tell, my journalist abilities haven’t improved much.

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Once upon a time Christopher Columbus was a kid. He talked to sailors and he was worried about boiling spots and sea monsters. They (the sailors) were scared of going down a waterfall into the Sea of Darkness. There were no sea monsters around, but the people were still scared of them.

Christopher Columbus got growed-up and drives the boat because he was the captain. He lived in it, and people wanted him to sail to England. Some pirated came to steal his stuff. They throwed him off board and sunk his ship. They took all of everybody’s stuff off board and stole it.

He didn’t die cause God was looking out for him, because he floated up to an ore and was floated to land. He end up on sand in Portugual.

There were big ships and he wanted to be on one. He talked to the sailors. He wanted to sail on a ship but the King said no, cause the King is the boss and he laughed at Christpher, because he believed the world was round the King said it was flat with boiling spots and sea monsters.

He left to go see the Queen and King of Spain They gave him 3 ships but he only wanted one. The ships were the Pinta, the Santa Maria and the Nina. The fastest ship was the Pinta. The Nina was the smallest and the Santa Maria was the biggest, Christopher was the captain of the big one. Sailors didn’t trust him so nobody would sail with him. Two brothers said they would be captains. They sailed for along time. The sailors wanted to throw Some people off the boat.

The pilgrims wanted to come to the new land to worship Jesus. There were no kinds in the new land. Because the kind didn’t let them pray the way they wanted too, they left to a new world by sailing on a boat called the Mayflower. It got to stormy and water got in the boat and some people sunk out. Some of the peoples died. Then they got out of the boat and they were on land, called America.

An Indian came and helped them. Squantos was his name. He taught them how to build a house and plant food, and fish and cook chicken. The Pilgrims taught the Indians how to pray to God and told them about Jesus. They got all their food together and had the first Thanksgiving. They were thankful to Jesus.

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