The following excerpts are from a book called Disorder in the Courts of America and are things people actually have said in a court room, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. I want to thank Daryn for pointing these out to me… =)
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of
the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect
your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your
memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example
of something you forgot?
_____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with
you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t
remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said
to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a
person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it
until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old,
how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty-one…
________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was
taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby)
was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh….
______________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a
beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning
pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your
attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to
work.
______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have
you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on
dead people.
______________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined
the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table
wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
______________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the
autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient
was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my
desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been
alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have
been alive and practicing law.
Let me know what you thought of this post. I appreciate your comments, so start commenting so I can appreciate them. Also, if you liked it enough, let your friends know. The more people the better. Also, be sure to subscribe by clicking here. =)
Jeez, the idiocy of some people. Makes you kind of frightened knowing the capacity of knowledge that people who practice law possess.
These are absolutely hilarious though. I LOL’d so hard at #8!
Wow, I still can’t believe these and I’m the one that sent them to you! They made me laugh so hard! I love the last one and the first one!
#8 was a great one, I had missed it before! It cracks me up how dumb some people can be! Apparently 20 years of school just wasn’t enough!
bawhahaa…amazing.
but i’m really offended that DARYN sent them to you and not to me.
should’ve known…stinkin’ future lawyer and all that….;)
OMG haha that was hilarious..isn;t nathan going to be a lawyer? haha anyway nice one sean was this for a big case? and did that lawyer really even pass the bar exam?
ali, aren’t you nathan’s sister? shouldn’t you know these things? these were just from some book of screw ups in a court. i’m pretty sure they are all from different cases. =)
kylie, sorry i only sent it to a couple of people. i happened to be talking to sean at the time and i thought he would find it funny.
Hilarious. Simply hilarious